My Marriage was a Mistake, What should I do?

by EFER41

Posted by EFER41

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This week’s question comes to us from Kathy.

Kathy writes to us from Ireland:


Hello Erika, I have only been married 2 years. I married a man who is very good to me. He tells me he loves me every day. I do love my husband—but I feel like I love him more as a friend. I don’t find myself attracted to him. We have had a lot of marriage problems, a lot of up and downs. There were 2 times that I was going to leave him. But now, I just pretend that everything is okay. I really don’t know what to do. Should I continue with the marriage and plan my life slowly? Like too many women before me, I know I shouldn’t have married. I think it’s too late now. I would love your advice. I don’t have children.


Erika’s Answer:

Hi Kathy:

Everyone has had marriage problems at some point or another, that is part of any long term relationship. Now, regarding your specific situation, Nothing is ever too late. “Too late” is when your life is over. You are young and you have your entire life in front of you.

Before you make a decision regarding your marriage problems or the marriage itself:

  • Ask yourself why you married your husband? What attracted you to him? What made you commit the rest of your life to this relationship? Was it love? Was it the need for security? What was it?
  • Write down what you don’t like about the relationship. Write down what you do like about your relationship. Then do the same for him—what do you like about him? What don’t you like about him? Look at the list and be honest to yourself.
  • What made you decide that you wanted to leave during those 2 times you mentioned? Why didn’t you leave? Be honest with yourself about it too.
  • After doing everything I asked you, ask yourself What is that you truly want? If nothing in the world mattered, What would you do with your life?

You shouldn’t pretend that everything is okay when it isn’t. You are only making yourself miserable. When you have marriage problems I can guarantee that you’re not the only one miserable—he is, too. By pretending everything is ok when it is not, whether you like it or not, you must realize you’re lying to him.

Whenever one party in the relationship is miserable, chances are the other is unhappy, too. He knows something is wrong. He may or may not know what or why, but I guarantee you he is feeling something is off, even when he does not voice it.

No one likes to live a lie. Be honest to yourself so you can be honest with those around you. You are too young to “give up” on your life or your happiness, there is no reason for that. You deserve to be happy and so does he.

With much love,

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