Master of Love … or Master of Blame?

by EFER41

Posted by EFER41

I would love to reflect today on our designated way of reacting to things, especially in our personal relationships.

Most relationships, particularly ones that are long-term, are entered into when the partners are in their 20’s or 30’s or even 40”s, but whatever the age, the truth is that by that time many years have passed since you were welcomed into this world. During those years, depending on how you have lived and the environment in which you were raised, you learned consciously or subconsciously how to react towards the world around you.

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We all learn to react in a certain way when we feel hurt, when we feel threatened, when we feel taken for granted, when we feel betrayed and so on –please note, I said “when we feel” as what your interpretation of what is happening may or may not be happening at all, but you very well feel it as real.

So let me ask you, What has been your normal way of reacting? Do you get angry? Do you withdraw emotionally? Do you become aggressive? Do you shut down?
What has become normal for you?

If you reflect on what you do when something turns out differently from what you expected, you will likely realize that there was not even a good reason for reacting this way. It has just become your usual way of reacting towards a difficult situation.

As we grow, we learn that certain reactions, like getting angry, raise our voice, withdraw from people or distance ourselves emotionally, just to mention a few have served a purpose and can get us what we want, including more attention, more love, and a sense that we matter and we are heard, we may even come to believe that our reactions can get someone to change.

Whatever the objective we want to attain, with enough reactions “under our belts” we become the masters of our anger, masters at our jealousy, at blame, at sadness, at depression, or what ever the reactions that worked in the past have been for you.

The important thing is to notice that every one of these emotions is serving a purpose within you, whether you realize it or not.

So, if you ever want to change the way you experience your relationships, you have to be able to totally transform this subconscious way of relating into a conscious one. Once you understand that Love is a choice you make every single day, you will become a master of showing love and understanding. When you no longer judge others, you then can start to become the person you are expecting your partner to be, and then real and lasting change can start to happen.

In other words, stop expecting to get things from your relationship and start giving love to the relationship and to your partner.

To master a relationship, master your own self.

With infinite love
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