I Love You but I am Not IN-LOVE with You Any More…

by EFER41

Posted by EFER41

iStock Woman Unhappy 20878377 I Love You but I am Not IN LOVE with You Any More… %CategoryHow many times have you heard

I Love You but I am Not IN-LOVE with You Any More…

If you have ever been in a long term, emotional relationship with someone, you have, at least once. If you are ready to say it now, you may not even know where to begin. You don’t want to cause pain or even worse, make a mistake. What if you are wrong? If you have a family and financial obligations together, the decision to open the door to this conversation becomes even more daunting, the fear to hurt the other person, the fear to make a wrong decision just to name a few.

On the other hand, being on the receiving end of the “I am not in love with you any more” statement can be equally devastating and may be completely unexpected. (However, if you are at the point in your relationship of hearing this message, the chances are great that there were red flags and various signs of disengagement that you just were not seeing.)

Before you are in a position to either deliver, or receive, the bad news, I invite you to think about some things.

1)    Let’s understand love for what it truly is. Most people believe that love is a feeling that you experience “out of the blue” without previous notice or warning. They somehow believe that the feeling comes flying through the air and one day you open your eyes and, woop, you are in love…. The problem with this view of love is that if you do not have any control over when it shows up at your door, it follows that there is no control over when it leaves, either.

Well, let me tell you something. You may have experienced attraction, excitement, or felt drawn to someone. But love — love is a different story. Love is based on the actions you decide to take after that initial desire or attraction. In other words, love is the result of your own actions. Those actions get you “connected” to someone, first on an emotional level, and then on a physical level.

2)    When someone says, “I love you but I am not in love with you anymore,” what is truly being said is: I care for you but I am no longer excited to be with you….

While that is a tough one to swallow, the truth is, the problem does not lie on the statement, the problem lies in the belief system you or the person saying that statement has bought into.

Most people think you are supposed to be always “crazy” about someone. That crazy feeling is how you know love is present in your relationship. Conversely, if you don’t feel that over-the-top feeling every minute, it must mean you are “out of love.”

C’mon, every adult knows – or at least every person who has been in a committed relationship long enough knows– that relationships have stages, cycles, ups and downs. The idea of not being able to live one minute without having the other by your side is called dysfunction and dependence not love. So let’s heal our belief systems about love first.

“A marriage (or long term relationship for that matter) is nothing but a great friendship with passion in it.”

And it is so true. Make sure you stay friends, make sure you keep things in common, have common values, common goals. Show appreciation and respect. Maintain an interest in one another. If you have all that, the relationship can work no matter how hard it gets.

A relationship does thrive when it is based on shared values, common principles and a purposeful vision for long term life together. It thrives when people are able to create their life together on a constant, day in and day out basis and both parties continue to bring life into the relationship. A relationship can be sustained when it is not only the responsibility of one of the partners to create love, connection and growth.

When things get rough, and believe me they will, you have something you can look forward to. That vision, those values, that life you want to create become like the GPS that guides you through stormy moments, and difficult decisions.

This are some of the topics with many more I will touch on our Monthly Call “Relationship Alchemy” I hope you decide to join us there this Thursday February 21st at 1pm EST.

For more details you can sign up here:
Relationship Alchemy

Much love & hope to see you there.
Erika


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“Relationship and Wealth Mindset Mentor Erika Ferenczi teaches women around the globe how to understand, transform and overcome the conflict in their life so they can feel satisfied, fulfilled and increase their energy to ultimately grow their business, get more clients and make more money doing what they love. Get more information at www.DecodeTheDynamics.com.

Get her FREE Report “5 Unbelievable Ways to Transform your Awareness and Allow your Relationships to Thrive” to Uncover and Overcome the 5 Mistakes you are making in your relationship that are sabotaging your business and your life at http://DecodeTheDynamics.com/freegift

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